Let me love you!
Every man who goes to the gym has faced this dilemma before. How do you approach that girl with the bodacious body without appearing to be Creepy McCreeperson? There is probably no right way to this. Most girls don’t like to be hit on at the gym. They’re sweaty, stinky, and focused on making sure they fit into that dress they bought knowing they were about 2 sizes too small for it. Or maybe even trying to undo all the damage those Starbucks Mocha Coco Expialiadocias Frappuccinos did to their physique. Going to the gym to pick up girls at the gym is lame. Often times you’re desperation and overall lameness will reek more than the body odor you worked up at the gym. However, a girl who takes care of her body will probably take care of you. Take that however you want. I have come up with some common approaches to use.
Yeah, you're never going to get it.
- Give unsolicited workout advice. This will either be a good thing or will end up with you looking like of those “gym guys”
- Ask her about her workout and introduce yourself. This is pretty normal and chances are you won’t look like a resident of your local sex offender’s list.
Nothing more annoying than someone talking to you while you
- Hit on an unattractive female first and build up your confidence. I like to call this method the “Minor League Approach”. After a couple of at bats in the minors you’ll be ready for the big leagues with a lot more confidence.
- Ask her if she’s Jamaican…because she’s Jamaican ya crazy.
- If you’re sure she likes you. Ignore her. She’s most likely an attention whore and craves the attention.
- Compliment her. For example saying things like “Your arms are toned” or ” You look like you know what you’re doing in here” are simple compliments that don’t set off the “creep-o-meter”
- Get her attention by lifting heavy weights and making loud grunts, and give her lustful looks. This will let her know you’re interested. I like to call this approach “The Situation” after Mike from Jersey Shore. Sixty percent of the time this works every time
- My favorite approach is to draw attention to your good physical features. One way to do this is to say, ” You have really nice shoulders.- They remind me of my arms – sometimes I think I’m a snake charmer, because these things are pythons.” In order for this to be really effective you need to point at your biceps and wink.
- Another approach is to sarcastically compliment her on her gym outfit. For example ” I think I saw your outfit on last month’s cover of vogue.” Or even better if she looks like she just threw old clothes on and came to the gym say something like ” Is it 80′s day in here today?” Things like that will either get her to laugh or think you’re a tool. Either way you’ll never know if you don’t try.
I'd put a ring on it.
There really is no right way to approach a chick in the gym, and 90% of the time you will get shot down like a dog with rabies (RIP Old Yeller). It’s probably best not to spit game where you lift. It probably won’t end well and you’ll make your gym an uncomfortable place. That being said I got this woman’s number at the gym on Saturday and all I did was help her with a lift. Sometimes a smile and a helpful hand are all that’s needed.
Salmon is God’s gift to fat people. It’s almost like God said ” Sure you’re fat but you don’t have to be fat, here’s this awesome fish called Salmon.” I personally hate fish smells too much like dirty private parts and it has bones. However, Salmon is the exception to that it smells good and has no bones. Honestly, if it weren’t so expensive I would eat it every day.
Ingredients
- Sanctified Salmon Fillet
- 1 Tablespoon Lemon Juice
- 2 table spoonsSalmon & Seafood Seasoning
- 1 tablespoon of Black Pepper
- 1 oz of Butter
- Dish of Honey Mustard
Directions
1. Make 2 or 3 slashes in each side of the fish to speed up the cooking process and place the fish further away from the source of heat to prevent it from burning too much before it’s properly cooked.
2. Season the chicken with the salmon seasoning and pepper and let it stay for 30 minutes to an hour
3. Butter the salmon lightly. You don’t want to make it to fatty. That’s how you got overweight in the first place.
4. Place Salmon on the grill, I use a Forman but if you have a real grill thats cool. Grill on both sides for 5-7 minutes.
5. When you’re done sprinkle with lemon juice.
6. Serve with honey mustard and a side of veggies. You have a delicious healthy meal from on high.
Note: You can also bake it but I dont like baking salmon, if you’re baking it just bake it on 350 for like 10 minutes and you should be straight.
Recession Chili with peas and carrots
I have had a few readers of the blog hit me up requesting I post this recipe as I used to eat it a lot in my early quest to lose weight. Another reader of the blog started eating this and lost like 10 pounds over a course of a few weeks. It’s relatively simple and healthy, low in carbs, high in protein and high on taste.
Ingredients
- 1 pack of Ground Beef/Ground Turkey 93% Lean none of that fat boy 80% lean stuff
- 1.5 Teaspoons of Taco Seasoning
- 1 teaspoon of black bepper and chili pepper
- Jar of Salsa
- Can of Black Beans
Optional Ingredients
Directions:
- Thaw out the ground turkey/beef
- Season the ground meat with the taco seasoning and stir fry in a pan on medium heat for about 15 minutes
- Pour jar of salsa and can of black beans into a bowl and stir.
- Add meat into bowl of salsa and black beans and stir until ingredients are all mixed up
- Add black pepper, and chili pepper and stir
- Taste and adjust seasonings until the “Chili” agrees to your taste buds.
If youre like me you know that grilled chicken is the holy grail of all good diet plans(well.. an argument can be made for fish is but who wants to deal with smelling like vagheen 7 days a week). However it can be quite a struggle to find ways to incorporate grilled chicken breast into your meal plans without wanting to cut out your tastebuds. This Italian chicken salad(not the mayo laden kind, think more chicken caesar) is a great and simple way to spice up your normal grilled chicken routines.
Ingredients:
-1 or 2 Grilled Chicken Breasts
-Kraft Fat Free Zesty(important) Italian Dressing
-Bacon Bits(make sure its real bacon pieces which are surprisingly healthy)
-1 bag of romaine lettuce ready for salad
1. Marinate the chicken for 6-12hours in some olive oil, salt, pepper, and the italian dressing
2. Grill the chicken until its cooked but please dont be like my dad and make it dry as hell
3. Chop the chicken into small bitesize chunks
4. Wash the salad mix and put it into a plastic giant bag
5. Add the chicken and half the container of bacon pieces to the giant bag
6. Add 4-5 squeezes of the fat free salad dressing to the bag
7. Add some salt and pepper to the bag
8. Take the bag and shake it up like youre a stoner playing the maracas at a Phish show
9. Empty the contents of the bag onto your plate/bowl and enjoy the most well mixed salad you’ve ever had….
This salad is light enough for a girl but filling enough for a guy
The whole salad should be around 500 calories(with plenty of protein from the chicken/bacon) and is more than enough for a meal… Enjoyez!
I’ve been promising to put up recipes to help people out. People often ask me if I cut out red meat from diet, and I look at them like they are retarded. Because lets face it vegetarians are retarded. Anyone who would willingly cut delicious pieces of red meat from their diet is either mentally handicapped or a horrible person. take your pick. I have been working on the perfect steak recipe for a while and I think I got it. I chose London Broil because it is a lean cut of beef thats is a good source of protein.
You should also note that the below recipe is for a medium rare steak. If you get your meat done well done, you’re also probably a horrible person and think Outback Steakhouse is a good steak house. Very few cuts of steak taste right when they are cooked well done. The ones that do cost more than what my firm bills me out at per hour.
Ingredients
- Parsley
- Black Pepper
- Butter
- Garlic Powder
- Brown Sugar
- London Broil Seasoning
- Mustard
Directions
1. Cut small slices in the meat and marinate the meat in red cooking wine
2. Season the meat with black Pepper and let it sit for an hour
3. Apply butter and garlic powder and brown sugar and broil for 4-5 minutes on each side.
4. Take out of the oven and season with London Broil and sear on both side for 2 minutes.
5. Serve with mustard or honey mustard. Please do not ruin a good steak by using steak sauce. Using steak sauce on a good steak is like bringing sand to the beach.
6. Enjoy
Today I will be having a special meal. It is my macadamian nut oil grilled chicken breast and its to die for!
Ingredients:
- 2-4 Chicken Breasts
- 1 tablespoon of macadamia nut oil
- Seasoned Salt a pinch of
- Adobo Seasoning pinch of
- 1 tablespoon of Worchestire Sauce
- Parsley
- Mesquite Seasoning 2 table spoons
Instructions
1: Mix the macadamia nut oil, parsley, mesquite seasoning, and worchestire sauce together, along with the adobo seasoning, seasoned salt till you have a nice liquid rub
2. Coat the chicken breast with this seasoning and let it sit for 3-4 hours or overnight.
3. Grill in a toaster oven rotating sides every 10 minutes for 30-40 minutes.
4. Serve piping hot, delicious soft and tender.
